Too often, a person who has not married their partner — yet has a child together — ends up bearing a portion of the other party’s legal fees in family-law proceedings. Traditionally, courts assume that non-marital sex can lead to shared legal and financial obligations, even when no family contract or marriage exists.

This outdated premise means one parent could intentionally conceive a child, later enter a high-conflict custody or support dispute, and still be awarded attorney fees — despite the other parent never consenting to a “family unit” arrangement. That strikes us as unjust and unbalanced.

The Balanced Co-Parenting Initiative believes that:

• Individuals who choose not to enter a marriage or family agreement should not automatically assume marital-style obligations simply because they share a child.
• Legal systems must distinguish between voluntary marital contracts and situations where one party never consented, yet ends up liable for the other’s costs.
• Courts should ensure that attorney-fee awards are grounded in fairness and consent, not just the income disparity between parents.
• Modern family law must evolve to reflect reality: the majority of adults engage in consensual relationships outside marriage. Research such as the Fragile Families and Child Wellbeing Study highlights that non-marital family structures are increasingly common and that outdated presumptions no longer serve today’s diverse families. Wikipedia →

Empirical legal reviews show that attorney-fee awards in custody and support cases remain discretionary and inconsistent — the “American rule” (each party pays their own attorneys) still dominates in most jurisdictions when no marital contract exists. Oklahoma Law Review →

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What We Want to See Changed

• Reform of statutes and case law that treat unmarried parents as if they share marital obligations.
• Clear criteria defining when fee-shifting is justified — such as proven consent to shared financial exposure or documented bad-faith litigation, not mere parenthood.

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Why This Matters for Children

The current system can motivate capable parents to withdraw from their children’s lives to avoid crippling legal costs — not only their own, but the other parent’s as well.
This is not in the child’s best interest.

The Balanced Co-Parenting Initiative advocates for a system where capable, responsible parents are encouraged — not financially punished — to stay engaged in their children’s upbringing. Fairness between parents is foundational to a stable and healthy environment for the child.